Every January, we make the same promises. Lose weight. Eat better. Exercise more. Get healthy.

And every January, we miss the point entirely.

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Because here’s what no diet plan will tell you: emotional eating isn’t about the food. It’s about the story behind why we reach for it in the first place.

It was an ordinary Tuesday morning. My entire day could have been derailed. I’d spent hours creating videos for a campaign — work I don’t particularly enjoy, but necessary.  I was proud of tackling it early and giving it my best effort. I hit send, ready to cross it off my list.

The emails started flying. “The files are empty.” “They aren’t coming through.” “Storage full. System not syncing.”

My carefully planned morning unraveled. The task I thought I’d completed was suddenly stalled. And then, clear as a bell, a voice in my head announced:I’m going to get something to eat.

Seven years ago, I would have listened without question. I would have wandered into the kitchen, found something comforting, and eaten my way through the frustration. But that morning was different — not because I have superhuman willpower, but because I’ve learned to recognize the difference between genuine hunger and emotional hunger.

I wasn’t hungry. I was frustrated and annoyed by a computer problem. Once I identified the real issue — the thought patterns creating my emotional response — I could address the actual problem instead of medicating it with food. I freed up storage space, reorganized files, and made the videos accessible. The technical issue got solved, and mysteriously, the craving disappeared.

Here’s what’s fascinating: my VA, dealing with the same situation from her end, felt nothing like I did. She wasn’t triggered to eat. She works comfortably with file management and storage systems. The same circumstance created completely different emotional responses for different people.

That’s the breakthrough I want you to understand: situations aren’t triggers. People aren’t triggers. Food isn’t a trigger. What triggers us is what wethinkabout the situation, the person, or the food. That’s great news, because while we can’t always control our circumstances, we can learn to observe and eventually shift our thought patterns.

I know something about patterns. I’ve gained and lost more than 700 pounds in my lifetime. For decades, I believed the solution was another diet, another program, another push for willpower. I was wrong. Real change came when I began exploring the connection between my emotions, memories, and eating habits.

As a food addiction recovery specialist and author ofLeaving Large: The Stories of a Food Addict, I’ve discovered that healing doesn’t begin with the food on your plate — it begins with awareness – when you pause and ask,What am I really hungry for?

This question is crucial for Black women, who face unique pressures around food, body image, and health. We carry not just our own stories, but generational patterns of using food for comfort, celebration, and survival. We navigate a food industry that targets us with ultra-processed products designed to be addictive. We manage stress levels that research shows are significantly higher than those of other groups, while facing systemic barriers to quality healthcare and nutrition education.

Every craving, every impulse to eat when you’re not physically hungry, carries valuable information. It’s an opportunity to listen more deeply — to your emotions, memories, beliefs, and needs. When you learn to separate emotional hunger from physical hunger, you begin to uncover the patterns that shape how you manage food. And once those patterns are visible, they can be changed.

This is the secret of recovery from emotional eating: compassion for yourself, curiosity about your triggers, and the courage to face what’s underneath. It’s not about willpower — it’s about understanding. It’s not about restriction — it’s about awareness. And it’s not about food — it’s about freedom.

So this January, before you commit to another eating plan or weight-loss challenge, try something different. Start paying attention to the stories behind your hunger. Notice what you’re thinking when cravings hit. Ask yourself what you’re really hungry for.

You might discover, as I did, that you’re not broken. You’re following a script that needs to be rewritten. And once you understand that, everything changes.

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Michelle Petties is aTEDx speaker, Food Story coach, and award-winning memoirist. After gaining and losing 700 pounds, Michelle discovered the secret to overcoming stress and emotional overeating. Her free workbook,Mind Over Meals, reveals her core principles for losing weight and keeping it off.